I wonder...

I wonder why I force myself to be in a complicated situation...
I wonder why do I surround myself into a nameless crowd, but the only people I know still see me as a unforeseen shadow...
I wonder why I become so lame that I find myself looking for unrealistic truth...
I wonder if i push myself too hard...
I wonder if i try to become someone...
I wonder if Creating a new Me changes me...
I wonder if the ex's that break my heart, make me mend myself back into reality...
I wonder if i can balance the meaning of being a dreamer and a realist...
I wonder if...


I wonder is what always comes into my mind...
It's an everyday puzzle that makes me figure out if I do challenge myself to be more me, to be more realistic, strong and compassionate about the world I lay my feet in....
It's actually a long list of I wonder's...
I just selected the kinda important ones...
The ones I know that can give me results which can give me a big smack in the head...

I also wonder if being GAY is one of the things that make me puzzled bout my life...
It still hasn't sink in being a BISEXUAL/GAY man... pero i do act like one but is it really meant for me...

Argh! I'm still confused with the meaning of FINDING REALITY!
It's like already there in front of me pero still perplexed and then it's still feels complicated much that I can't grab the true meaning of reality...


I need a teacher...
I need a Mentor...
I need God...
I need someone to teach me some things i don't know about....


I NEED TO REDEEM MYSELF FROM THIS DRAMA!
I NEED TO WAKE UP!